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Like I've Got Time for Another Meeting


Apparently the boss has forgot what "operations" is like.  I guess when you get so removed from the day-to-day tasks of running a department you think that everybody else has all the time to sit through another friggin' meeting.

We have the:
  • BEO meeting (2 times a week)- to discuss the upcoming events (and where I terrorize the Sales Chick)
  • F&B meeting (weekly) - to hear the F&B Director bitch about how high our food cost is
  • Accounting meeting (2 times a month) - to listen to those pencil-pushers complain how we didn't make the banquet checks correctly
  • Budget meeting - with the GM (thankfully this is only once a month)
  • Final detail meeting (with the upcoming brides) - this is torturous, can't take listening to their worrying anymore about wanting their special day to be so different from the rest of the brides in the world.  BITE ME!
Now I need to take part of a new meeting called the "Property Assessment Meeting".  WTF is this?

I'm not in the maintenance or engineering departments, that's their problem.  They need to make sure that this place is in tip top shape not me!  I send them the emails and fill out the maintenance request forms when the lightbulbs are burnt out of there is a tear in the wallpaper.

Why do I need to sit through another meeting for this shit!

Just drives me nuts...

Who's gonna take care of the customers?  Who's gonna make the schedule?  Who's gonna order do payroll?  Who's gonna...

Football Player Sexually Abuses Waitress



WASHINGTON (AP)

Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth was charged Tuesday with misdemeanor sexual abuse, accused of fondling a server in a hotel restaurant in Washington.

A grand jury returned an indictment formally charging Haynesworth in the alleged incident at a downtown Washington hotel in the early hours of Feb. 13. If convicted, the 29-year-old two-time All-Pro faces up to six months days in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

According to the U.S. attorney's office, the government's evidence shows Haynesworth slid a credit card down the front of the server's dress and fondled her breast.

Telephone and email messages left for Haynesworth's agent, Chad Speck, were not immediately returned. At the time the server's accusations became public, Speck said "there seems to be no truth to these allegations."

Redskins spokesman Tony Wyllie said the team referred all calls to Haynesworth and his agent.

Link to original story.

From the Banquet Manager:

"She should have kicked him in the nuts".  
Fellow waitresses/waiters, ever had to deal with shit like this?

Easter Captain's Report



Date: April 24, 2011

Group Name: Easter Brunch

Event Time: 10:30am - 3pm (3pm last seating)

Covers: Reservations for 719, Actual covers 687

Room Setup: Assorted table sizes 

Food Presentation: Kitchen did a good job for food presentation.  Again this year, no large platters were used, just small platters that were easy to swap out.  Less waste this way.  A slight delay around 12:30pm in getting more Eggs Benedict but kitchen staff worked quickly to cook them.  Customer not affected by this delay.  One customer commented that they would have liked to see "king crab legs" on the buffet (yeah sure).  Overall no issues from the kitchen, another good job done.

Service Plan: Wait staff did a good job and worked within their 9 teams.  All tables were reset quickly (helped greatly by the 4 bussers).  Food runners worked well, even the new waiter (he seemed a little overwhelmed at first but held it together).

Other Items: Much less liquor was consumed this year than in past.  Only a few glasses of wine and 9 Mimosas.

Guest Comments: This is where we did very well.  Many great comments were given.  I have attached 4 comment cards this this report.  I gave out many of my business cards to guests that wanted to return for Mother's Day.  Overall a very good day.


Hey, fellow Banquet Managers.  What was YOUR captain's report like?

Didya Get a Bowl of Soup With That Cut?



Sales Chick comes in today with some new hairdo.

Makes her look like some peacock or something.  It's the worst come-over I've every seen, all pulled over to one side of her head.

Plus it's dyed this real fake red, like Bozo the Clown. You gotta see this!

What the hell was she thinking?

It took all the professionalism I had to keep from laughing my ass off during today's BEO meeting.

Ever had one of your coworkers come in with a silly haircut or some ugly-ass dress?  Did you have the balls to tell 'em how stupid they looked?

These Bastards Have Had Enough To Drink Already, Now You Give Them More?



Late wedding last night, ended at 1am with an after-party.  I have just 1 question for these knuckle-headed sales people:

You book a wedding with a 5 hour open bar then you allow then to have an after party for another hour after that?  How drunk do you want them to get?

What about our liquor license? How do you expect us to cut off these drunks when, if we do, their less-drunk friend will get a drink for them.  It's as easy at that.  And just because they are staying in the hotel and not driving home doesn't mean that they can get bombed.

What about the few jerks that do drive home.  After they crash and kill someone, will you as the Sales Chick be the one that gets sued along with the poor bartender that is trying to not only do his job but be a policeman at the same time.

Screw you Sales Chick!
I cut them off, the whole party, after 25 minutes.
That's right!

I rolled the bars outta the room, had my waiters remove the back bar glasses and ice bins, and walked right up to the father of the bride (he was just as drunk too that dick-head), and told then that for their own safety the bar is closed.

Of course he and the other after-party asses flipped out.  I DON'T CARE!

You deal with the complaints on Monday.

Time To Count All The Chairs, Again



Believe it or not, the big boss actually wants to spend some of that money we apparently have left in our budget.  He wants to get new chairs for the ballroom.  That's great!

Today I'm having the housemen count all our chairs again, and our tables, for an accurate count.

I forgot to mention that he also wants us to reconfirm exactly the maximum number of people we can fit into each room, using each configuration (u-shape, classroom, crescent rounds, theater, etc).  So now we're planning to set and reset each room over the next few days to get this done.

Yeah I know it's a pain in the butt but at least we'll get new chairs outta this.  Can't complain.

I've Been Doing This For 3 Years?


Yes believe it or not.  Today marks the completion of 3 full years (and 363 posts) where I have spilled my guts out on these pages for the world to see what it's really like to be a banquet manager.  Hope you've had pity on me...

If course I wish to thank all of you readers (even the ones that say I'm mean spirited when I seem to bitch about those waiters of mine, or yours).

Without you I wouldn't have the desire to keep on bitchin' about them...well, yes I probably will still keep on doing that.

On a separate note, I've been thinking on doing my 3rd Guest Blogger event again.  Is anybody interested in having their F&B related story told here?  I'm happy to give you the opportunity.

Let me know and maybe we'll start it next month.

Take care all.  And thanks.

From,
the Banquet Manager

The Most Dangerous Food Ever!



A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford ...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."